This entry was written a little over a year ago. I was very stressed at that time. My son, who had been into some pretty deep trouble , was graduating from high school in a few months. Believe it or not, this entry was a little on the lighter side. As you will eventually find out, my writings can often get quite dramatic and colorful. Hey, it's where I let it all hang out! But for today, I'm starting out with a short one.
-------------------------------------------------------------
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
O.k., I'm going to throw out to God a flag that asks the question ~ Why is it so difficult to not worry about stuff in my life ~ about Tyler, about our future, about money, about political and natural events that are going to happen ~ it doesn't resolve anything or add a minute to my life. I don't enjoy worrying ~ plus EVERYONE tells me, "Don't worry. Just enjoy whatever you can in this life." Even the Bible says, "Don't worry." I feel like I'm fighting against a tide of giant waves, rolling in from the ocean. Even stuff, like worrying about Ken's health (like I did this past weekend.) I'm supposed to just not worry and believe it will get better? Maybe it will, but I always wonder, maybe there's a reason for my concern.
The beginning of this week has been rough for me spiritually. I've been fighting off negativity ~ issues w/my health (mammogram came back negative), with the possibility of not going on vacation out west, with listening to a friend complain about her miserable life, yet doing nothing to work at improving things. Then she turns around and tells me not to worry! One day I can write several things in my gratitude journal, and the next day, I'm drawing a blank.
------------------------------------------------------------
Deep down, I knew what the answer was to my 'God flag' question...sin and Satan at work. He knew exactly where my weakness was and was hitting me hard that week. I noticed that I must have been so frustrated that I didn't even write a prayer, seeking God's help at that time. I think my mind was so scattered that I couldn't even think straight enough to pray. I'm so thankful that even when when we don't know what to pray (or sometimes I think we choose to not pray), the Spirit intercedes for us!
"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know
what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with
groans that words cannot express"
Romans 8:26
And my worrying was all for naught! I had a second mammogram, which came back positive(they didn't find anything) and my son graduated and is doing much better today. My husband, Kens, health is o.k. There are days I still worry about him, both physically and mentally (not getting too stressed out in his life), but he is (sort of) trying to work at improving his habits. And I realize that I'm not doing much better, when I let worry stress me out, too! I guess we all could learn from each other!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
