WOW!! Has it really been one and a half years since I've posted here on my blog page? I guess I do have a pretty good excuse for not posting, though. Uhhhh, right....COVID, the state of our country and our world, mom taking a turn for the worse with her dementia, selling mom's house, family issues. In reality, they ARE excuses, but I think they are good ones. Don't you?
Anyways, I'm back.(For now)
Don't ask how I decided to come back...well, you can, but I won't go into detail. Basically, I was looking back on some past posts and realized that life has a way of grabbing you by the b&##$ and not letting go.
Life is such a contradiction of time, a polarity of feelings and experiences!
I feel like the past year and a half just stood still, I have no clue where it went. So much has changed...and yet, it hasn't. Sometimes, I SO WANT it to change. Other times, I don't.
I am acutely aware of how fast time has passed – how fast it is passing – and as much as I look forward to moving on, I am intentionally breathing in the moments I have with my mom and my son. I realize that when things do change(and they eventually will), those things will most definitely NOT be what I would like to change. Mom will pass on someday. Tyler will move on in his life, as well.(He is still currently living at home and working...saving money to travel the country on his own, like we have done.) It feels like I'm in a straight jacket and heading down a rabbit hole all at the same time.
Talk about conflict!!
Me and my hubby's(mostly me) dream of traveling the country in our RV have been put on hold over the past 18 months. Not that we haven't done anything. We've taken a few 1-2 weeks trips, which have been awesome. But, nothing like our first trip after Ken retired. And, don't get me wrong. He's on board with traveling, too. He's just more "content" with sticking around home than I am.
I am also reminded that time is always passing, always changing us, always changing those we love even when it seems like it has stopped. Even when it feels like we are in a holding pattern, the reality is that time is always passing. Holding patterns don’t exist. Every moment has purpose and is fleeting. Time may seem to stand still, but it is moving. Always moving.
I need to remind myself to breathe it in! To enjoy these days(even the rough ones), as they will come to an end. And, even though it may not seem like it now, I'll move on to the next journey in my life. The next step...the next move. This moment, these stressful times, will be history.
I am working at being grateful for these times. I also look forward to the changes that will come, in their own time. I am trying to do both at the same time, which can be a balance act....not taking one or the other too seriously. Not trying to HOLD ONTO one or RUSH the other.
The Lord has it all in HIS plan and timing. I need to allow Him to direct me each and every day. I need to keep reading His word and praying for direction. I need to lean into Him when things get difficult. I need to wait on Him to close the doors that will need to be closed and open new ones when it is time to open them. I think this theme blends so well into what I wrote in my last post from 2020...(you can read it HERE). As the old saying goes,
"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow is not here yet. We have only TODAY!!"
I also had decided again NOT to have chosen a word for 2021(or any year to come). My last word was for 2019, which was "fearless". Boy, did that one kick me in the butt!! I carried it over to 2020, but it never was a word I cherished. I think I've come to believe that God keeps changing what things He wants us to work on throughout every single year of our lives. It's a continual journey.
Anyways, I AM still here. Hopefully I'll check back in more often with new posts. I do want to remember these days that seem to currently "stand still". One day, they will be just a memory.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."(Ecclesiastes 3:1)
Blessings to you all, my friends!!!
