Thursday, February 16, 2012

Tis Better...


'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.
                                                                 Alfred Lord Tennyson, In Memoriam

Is this quote true, or not?

My son is at that age where over the past 3-4 years he’s been learning through different dating experiences, about relationships. In several of these relationships, he would get hurt emotionally, when either the girl treated him disrespectfully or would see other guys behind his back. Every time they broke up he would say, “I’m never dating again.” His heart had been so broken and abused, that he just wanted to give up on really falling in love. It just hurt too much to make himself vulnerable to someone, who would in return then stomp on his heart.

My husband liked to tell my son after every break-up that until he met the right one, there would be lots of pain and disappointments. But, if he never opened up his heart again and was willing to show his vulnerability, he would never find love, which is so worth the struggle and heartache it takes, once it is found. Recently, my son started dating again.  It’s still a little early in the game to be sure, but this time, I think he may have found a keeper. Thank goodness, his heart has learned to heal and not let past experiences affect his current decision to give it another try.

So in my opinion, I think the answer to my question depends on who you ask and when in one’s life you ask it. We all hate being hurt, humiliated, broken down, and abused. It sucks!! Most everyone experiences being in a situation sometime in their life when someone has hurt them immensely, whether it be in a love relationship, a friendship, or with a family member.  Our vulnerability is exposed and we lay our hearts on the line. It can be scary, threatening, and often risky. After a few bad experiences, we may find ourselves being a little more cautious about opening up too quickly. Unfortunately, some people never open up their heart to another again. How sad. It can be very lonely when a person reaches this place in life. 


Not only do bad experiences affect us in our future relationships with other people. Our relationship with God is deeply influenced by our past. Children who grow up with an abusive or unloving father find a relationship with their heavenly Father to be difficult and scary. Learning to trust and be vulnerable to God’s ways is a challenge because this was not learned in the home.  Relationships that involved full trust and exposure of the heart, only to be used and abused by the one that was trusted causes one to not trust God’s love and goodness, either. But the one thing we can be sure of is that God is not like other people. He is trustworthy and He will not turn against us, when we open our hearts up to Him. Sure, there’s always going to be people who hurt us in life. But, praise our Lord and Savior, we have Him, who can teach us to be open again, become vulnerable, and experience God’s true love through others. And for those who have, I'm sure they would say it was worth it!

Proverbs 3:5,6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding.
 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He will make your paths straight.
 Do not be wise in your own eyes;
Fear the LORD and turn away from evil.
 It will be healing to your body
And refreshment to your bones.


14 comments:

  1. Part of the hurts in a relationship are the ways two different people think and what they considered. Especially if there is selfishness involves where each thinks they deserve to be treated differently. Men want respect and women need to "feel" loved. Words and flowers help with her, and kindness and willingness to accept his decisions are important to him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true, Robert. I guess, as long as there are both males and females, we will have differences to deal with. That's why it's so important to not let the past losses impede our future relationships.

      Delete
  2. I remember when my son went through the break-up of a difficult relationship. It is hard to see our children with broken hearts. But you're right--life involves broken hearts healed to love again. Thanks for sharing this and thanks for linking to Bless a Blogger Friday. I'm praying for your blog this week and your writing ministry. And I also pray for your son's current relationship--that it will be a good one.
    Bless you! Gail

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, thank you for your many prayers, Gail! You are truly a blessing to me! Brokenness may be difficult, but hopefully through it we learn to depend on God's love and gain strength and healing!

      Delete
  3. No one would choose to lose at love or be abused, and yet God has an amazing way of turning these heartaches and hurts into an avenue through which we can minister to others. With Christ, our wounds can become our witness. Our struggles, someone's strength to perservere.

    Thanks for linking up today. :) I enjoyed your post!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh, that's intense, Stacy! And yet so wonderfully true! It is a tool God uses through us to empathize for others going through the same thing.

      Delete
  4. As parents we want to protect our children from hurts and heartaches. Unfortnunately, we faced heartaches and God had a plan for each of them some were even of our own chosing. I learned many things from those situations that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. We have to be there for our children when those hurts come and love them and support them! Thank you for a reminder to never let up praying for our children's future mates!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true, Piper! I think my son has matured more in the last year than he has his whole life, so far! It is definitely a way God helps us to grow up and learn what is real and what matters in this life!! We have never ceased to pray for him and who he will marry someday!!

      Delete
  5. Hi Ann - this is the second post I've read today about trusting God and how difficult that can be based on our experiences with people. Great encouragement and great wisdom in here. Thanks for linking up Ann. Love seeing you there.
    God bless
    Tracy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for stopping by, Tracy!! It's so encouraging to get your comments and I really enjoy linking up with your blog and reading your posts, as well as others who also link up there!

      Delete
  6. Hopping over from Bless a Blogger. There's a lot of truth in this post. And your son is blessed to have such supportive parents. I pray blessing on you and your family today. Blessings from Zagreb!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm learning how important it is to be there for our kids, especially at this age of transition and maturing in life. He has many friends who's parents have very little, if anything to do with their lives. It's such a shame to see so many floundering young men and women. Thanking you for stopping by.

      Delete
  7. Ann, thanks for sharing this post. God requires our vulnerability before Him. He loves us too much for us to hold something back from Him. This can be extremely hard to do if you've been hurt, but then again, there is only One who can be trusted completely. Him! And he heals us and sets us free to be vulnerable again.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I agree that our relationships with people often affect our views of God. Sometimes we dont' understand the path He chooses for us, but we can always trust His heart.

    Blessings,
    Joan

    ReplyDelete

I would love to hear from you! Feel free to leave me a comment.