Straight From My Heart: Hurt, Heartbreak, Disappointment
Hello, bloggy
friends!
I hope you are having a great week!
My weekend was pretty nice, but the weekdays have been another story, a story that may take me a few posts to explain...
I really need to start by telling you about my time taken off from blogging, though. You see, back in April, I decided to take a break from blogging, to redirect my focus and my prayers, specifically for my son, who had chosen to make some bold professions of his non-faith in God. This hit me really hard, at the time, and I felt compelled to seek the Lord's intervention in his life, through prayer and fasting.
During that time, I experienced many things, but none were what I was ultimately praying for. I struggled with why I was actually fasting (and even what motivated me to pray specifically for my son's eyes to be opened). I experienced disappointment and heartache, like I'd never felt before in my life, not just in my son's decisions, but also in God's decision to NOT answer in the way I had asked. I felt cheated, as I tried to understand the meaning of true faith and hope, when things feel like they are falling apart.
During that time, I experienced many things, but none were what I was ultimately praying for. I struggled with why I was actually fasting (and even what motivated me to pray specifically for my son's eyes to be opened). I experienced disappointment and heartache, like I'd never felt before in my life, not just in my son's decisions, but also in God's decision to NOT answer in the way I had asked. I felt cheated, as I tried to understand the meaning of true faith and hope, when things feel like they are falling apart.
I am still learning and growing in my faith and trying to comprehend the many mysteries in life...like,
"God is all-powerful, pure, undiluted love. But He is not like a genie who appears when we rub the magic lamp and grants us three wishes." The Storm Inside
"So many times I get into the mindset that this one thing is going to complete me and make my life so much better, when in reality, only God is our true source and joy. Instead of giving into my (sometimes) toddler-like demands, He leads me back into hoping in Him alone, as He is the only sure thing I have in this world."
"I need to be at rest in the midst of the unknown, content without getting what I want and so thankful for everything I have that I honestly don’t care if I get anything else. So true, yet easier said than done. It’s something I wish I could make happen, yet I know it’s a process and I need to submit to that process. And when I struggle, I need to learn to lean on God because He’s the one that can actually change me."
"We never know how God is working behind the scenes and that’s why it is important to trust Him and know that HE has what's best for us, even when our flesh screams for something else."
One thing that is definitely a hardship for me - and, as I read other's writings, I am learning that most of us deal with - is disappointment.(as well as hurt and heartache)
Disappointment: the feeling of sadness or displeasure caused by the defeat of one’s hopes or expectations
There are different kinds of disappointment.
There's the "awe, shucks" kind of disappointment on the one hand (like when your favorite team doesn't win or you don't get to eat at your favorite restaraunt.)
And then there's the kind of disappointment that reaches our heart and makes us hurt so deeply we can hardly breathe.(like not being able to conceive a child, or in my case, not being able to see and share in the joy of your child having a relationship with Jesus Christ.)
Just a few side-notes that I've also learned about parenting adult children:
- "To most parents, their children are their world. To put it bluntly, after a child reaches eighteen years of age, the only rights a parent has in regard to input in that child’s life, is the rights that the child gives them. The child is sensing their independence and wants the freedom to live their life. So only at invitation does a parent of an adult child have the right of voice or opinion." source
- Whether we like it or not, at some point, those closest to us disappoint or hurt us. People run from the truth, create some false sense of reality and act in ways that we know are not good. People make mistakes and, choices that are clearly wrong or unhealthy. It's so easy for us to see, and it seems nearly impossible for them to see. Sometimes bad choices and decisions turn into long lasting bad habits we cannot understand. Because of these choices, we find ourselves either disappointed in ourselves and/or others.
- It's hard to see our children fall, but sometimes we have to. Sometimes we have to ask ourselves whether intervening is in their best interest. There are a million ways to love a child, but in our quest to make them happy, let us stay mindful that sometimes it takes short-term pain to earn long-term gain.
What does disappointment do?
- Disappointment can be agonizing and make us feel paralyzed in time. It can be life changing.
- Disappointment feels like the mortal enemy of hope.
- Disappointment saps us of our energy and hinders the work of the Holy Spirit in our lives.
- It can turn inward at ourselves or out toward another. It can even get turned toward God.
I need to ask myself these questions:
What causes me to be disappointed?
What causes me to be disappointed?
What can I to do with the very real sense of
loss, disappointment, and heartbreak I encounter along life’s way?
How do I keep my disappointments from tangling me up, fr1m strangling my joy and skewing my perspective?
How do I keep my disappointments from tangling me up, fr1m strangling my joy and skewing my perspective?
Before I end my post for today, I wanted to continue to share God's many blessing and gifts in my life at "Multitudes on Mondays", as I Dare to Share.
1,758 - Getting to sleep in a few mornings this past week! Oh, I had missed sleeping in!!
1,759 - Another gorgeous weekend...to go boating and fishing!
1,762 - Time with my friend and a wise counselor, Sue.
and a close-up
1,764 - The peacefulness of nature...God's forming of day and night.
Linking over to these blog hops:
Follow me at these links:
Visiting from UNITE. Saying a prayer right now for you in this difficult season - and also for your son, that he will eventually find his way back to faith.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kathryn. And thanks for stopping by!
DeleteI'm sharing this - I know many people who are struggling with disappointment - I love how you have been real with your journey and offer hope to us. (I'd love for you to maybe share this for SDG Connections. LMK what you think.)
ReplyDeleteI also have come across my friends/bloggers who have struggled or are struggling with disappointment. I will definitely pray about sharing at the SDG Connections. I'm still working on a second part to this series, called, "Expectations", and how our unrealistic expectations lead to disappointment and how to address that issue. When I complete it, I will let you know by email. Thanks for stopping by, sister!
DeleteMany years ago, our son announced he was divorcing his wife, and no longer believed in God. In my heart, I said to myself, I don't believe that for one minute. His dad asked him if he had ever had an "experience" with God, and our son replied, yes when I received the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I breathed a sigh of relief - and knew he was angry at God and that time would tell. Today he attends church, teaches a class of young people and prays. Don't give up because you are only in chapter 2 and the story is not over yet. Thank you for sharing your lovely post with us here at “Tell Me a Story.” At: http://letmetelluastory.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteThanks for your encouraging words, Hazel. I have been told by several friends the same thing...I must just be patient and trust God's timing and that he will come around. Thanks, once again, for hosting your blog-hop! It's such a blessing to reading so many great stories there!
DeleteHeartbreak and disappointment can be paralyzing. When in the middle of our pain, it is so hard to see anything else but what is swirling around us. I know for me, I wasn't able to see beyond my sorrow, even when I prayed. But, God does calm His children when the storm is still raging. I am so thankful for that. It has taken a long time, but I finally have been able to release my daughter to Him. I know that someday, somehow, some way, His will will be revealed. I am trusting Him, and in that, I have found peace. I'm praying for peace for you, Ann. God loves you...and He loves your son, too. Never forget that!
ReplyDeleteLove & hugs, my friend! Joan
Thanks so much, friend!! I'm reminded often that God's love for Tyler is beyond anything I can imagine! Even though we often don't understand why our children must go through certain things in their lives, we can only put them in the Father's hands and trust His ways.
DeleteWe have something similar with my much younger brother and it Is heart breaking. Praying for the lost souls out there to find Jesus!
ReplyDeleteOne of my Daughters told me she did not believe in God the way I do. I have been praying for her a long time Someday I believe she will. I know God answers prayers. All we can do is ask and believe and pray.
ReplyDelete