Random Journal Day: Worry

This is my first post, sharing from my journals, so please be patient with me, as I try to share some pretty personal stuff from my heart. (Linking up at "Beneath The Surface: Breath of Faith: Random Journal Day Link Up 4")



This entry was written a little over a year ago. I was very stressed at that time. My son, who had been into some pretty deep trouble , was graduating from high school in a few months. Believe it or not, this entry was a little on the lighter side. As you will eventually find out, my writings can often get quite dramatic and colorful. Hey, it's where I let it all hang out! But for today, I'm starting out with a short one.

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 Tuesday, April 12, 2011

O.k., I'm going to throw out to God a flag that asks the question ~ Why is it so difficult to not worry about stuff in my life ~ about Tyler, about our future, about money, about political and natural events that are going to happen ~ it doesn't resolve anything or add a minute to my life. I don't enjoy worrying ~ plus EVERYONE tells me, "Don't worry. Just enjoy whatever you can in this life." Even the Bible says, "Don't worry." I feel like I'm fighting against a tide of giant waves, rolling in from the ocean. Even stuff, like worrying about Ken's health (like I did this past weekend.) I'm supposed to just not worry and believe it will get better? Maybe it will, but I always wonder, maybe there's a reason for my concern.

The beginning of this week has been rough for me spiritually. I've been fighting off negativity ~ issues w/my health (mammogram came back negative), with the possibility of not going on vacation out west, with listening to a friend complain about her miserable life, yet doing nothing to work at improving things. Then she turns around and tells me not to worry! One day I can write several things in my gratitude journal, and the next day, I'm drawing a blank.

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Deep down, I knew what the answer was to my 'God flag' question...sin and Satan at work. He knew exactly where my weakness was and was hitting me hard that week. I noticed that I must have been so frustrated that I didn't even write a prayer, seeking God's help at that time. I think my mind was so scattered that I couldn't even think straight enough to pray. 

I'm so thankful that even when when we don't know what to pray (or sometimes I think we choose to not pray), the Spirit intercedes for us!

"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express"

Romans 8:26

And my worrying was all for naught! I had a second mammogram, which came back positive(they didn't find anything) and my son graduated and is doing much better today. My husband, Kens, health is o.k. There are days I still worry about him, both physically and mentally (not getting too stressed out in his life), but he is (sort of) trying to work at improving his habits. And I realize that I'm not doing much better, when I let worry stress me out, too! I guess we all could learn from each other!

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Why Write it Down?

Keeping a Journal: What does that mean to you?

For some, it is like a diary, where one keeps his/her deepest secrets, locked behind a turned key..

For some, it's for keeping track of events or facts about one's life.

For me, it's the opportunity for me to write down my most precious memories and put down on paper how God is working in my life. Sometimes I write something down that I don't understand at the moment, but after the passing of time, I look back on my writings and see that God had it all under control and knew what He was doing all along. That's the best reason for me to keep writing in my journal....God has taught me so much. He's shown me that even when I don't feel like He is near me or understands my situation, I realize later on that He does care and is always watching over me.

I starting writing my own personal journal over 26 years ago. At that time, I'm not sure I really knew why I wanted to start a journal, but it was during a time in my life when there were a lot of big and memorable things happening to me. I had a new job, my first full-time professional job, which I loved at the time. I was in a serious relationship with a guy, who later became my husband.

Over the years, I've written about lots of different things, but always from my heart. I would only write when I felt the need to, not just write every day or a certain day of the week. There were times I did write every day(sometimes more often) and there were time I didn't write for several months and even a few times that it was over a year till I returned to my journal. That's the thing about journaling over writing in a diary. I think journaling has no rules or regulations...if you stop writing, you can always return to it later on. I don't usually get all fancy. I write the date, sometimes the time of day, if it helps me remember the event better, then I just write till there's no more I need to write about. Sometimes it's just a short paragraph, sometimes it's several pages long.

More recently, I've expanded my journaling options. I've learned that there are lots of things I journal about and sometimes when I want to look back at what I wrote, it can be difficult to find it. I love the creative and artistic styles of journaling books that are now sold at most bookstores and card stores. I have collected approximately 10-12 different books over the years, and filled them with my writings.

At the beginning of this year, I found a great free on-line journal program called 280 Daily

I like the program because it sends me a reminder by email to write in my journal. I decided it was perfect for me to start a "spiritual" journal for me to write just short daily "God sightings" and that way I could look them up quickly and easily, when I wanted to go back to a certain posting. I also use it to write down a Bible verse I especially like or want to remember. There are some days that I still need to write more than a short post, so I keep my handwritten journal for those times. This online journal also allows you to keep other different kinds of journals, including a photo journal, food diary, to do list, travel journal, and many more.

Most recently I purchased an adorable journal book with birds and flower designs on it. I decided to start a new "gardening" journal book, since I love to garden. This one has been a little more difficult for me to get going on. I'm still kind of figuring out all I want to put in this journal. I've started by writing down a list of my spring flowers that are blooming and when they started to bloom this year. I also hope to use some drawings/photos of some of my favorites, as well as plants I hope to add to my garden this year. There are lots of great ideas for a garden journal that I've collected  on my Pinterest board (go here to see them).

I hadn't really thought of it as a journal, but I am also keeping  my  gratitude list from taking part in the Joy Dare, here on my blog. I keep that list going here, but post my new ones each week.

There are lots of reasons and options for writing a journal. If you don't like to write a lot, but like taking pictures, try a photo journal. Or if you like to draw, try an art journal. Journals are a great way to express yourself, keep records of special events in your life, or a place to remind yourself how God cares and is present  in everything you do or your hopes and dreams.  Some people don't have a lot of time to write down a long journal. Try the 280 Daily program. It's great, since it reminds you to write, but to keep it short.

I highly encourage anyone to at least try to keep a "Spiritual Journal" where you can see how God is working in your life. It has given me strength in difficult times and allowed me to express thoughts in ways I couldn't express in person.

Below are the new additions to my JOY DARE list:
 3 gifts opened up

611. My laptop....to find my friends in bloggyland!

612. The Word of God...always full of wisdom and encouragement.

613. A packet of my favorite instant Oregon Chai

3 gifts budding/blooming

614. Strawberry patch flowers, soon to be berries.

 615. My Clematis blooms, almost ready to open.

616. My Snowball bush

3 gifts received, after much waiting

617. Accepted offer on a house on a lake!

618. Many pretty flower pictures to put in my new Garden Journal.

619. A painted sign with words I've tried to live.

3 gifts bright

620. A few minutes of sunshine in a mostly cloudy day.

621. My bright pink azaleas in bloom.

 622. Yellow center of my purple Pansies

3 gifts found looking up.

623. Ceiling fans to cool(and warm) each room in my house.

624. Tree branches and rustling leaves, blowing in the strong wind.

625. Canadian geese, honking and flying overhead.

 A gift in a bag, in a box, in a book

626. Bag - Peppermint tea and lemon juice I bought for my sick mother.

627. Box - Fresh strawberries, purchased at the market.

628. Book - My journal, to write and remember.

Linking over at these blog hops:

"Journaling" (Bible Love Notes)
Multitude on Mondays (A Holy Experience)
Sharing His Beauty (Beauty in His Grip)
On Your Heart Tuesdays (A Pause in the Path)