Tuesday, January 28, 2014

27 Ways to Re-Juvinate Your Marriage

Saying ‘I do’ again!!
Saying ‘I do’ again!!
Saying ‘I do’ again!!
In a few days, my hubby and I will be celebrating our 27th wedding anniversary. Every year, we say the same thing...where does the time go? Yet, 27 years is a LONG time to be married, in this day and age. As we add another year of marriage experience to our lives, there are many things we have learned(and we are still learning). I want to share a  bit of my "marriage wisdom" with you today.

One of the guarantees of marriage is that we will experience days, months, seasons of staleness.  It’s unavoidable because no couple is a perfect couple. Anyone who says they have never been in a marital rut is either in denial or hasn’t been married long enough to know what they are talking about. Every marriage experiences dry seasons.

 The seasons should not shock a couple. We should understand they will happen, but when they do happen we should not take them lightly. We should proactively respond to these moments to ensure they are only seasons and do not become the defining characteristic of our marriages. Here are a 27 ideas to keep that spark alive! (Yes, that's for 27 years of marriage!)


1.  Start working out together.      If you have let yourself go a bit, get into shape and stay fit by working out with your partner. If you haven't exercised in a while, you can start out slowly with walks around the neighborhood or jogs at the park. Enjoy working up a sweat together as you improve your health.

2.  Take a class together. Stimulate your creativity and your relationship by taking a class together. Choose an unusual topic that interests you both -- anything from an Italian cooking course to guitar lessons to a tai chi class. Spending time together in an out-of-the-ordinary setting can rejuvenate your relationship and allow you to explore a different side to your partner. 
 
3.  Get fit—spiritually.  Have you let your spiritual practices slide over the past couple months? Rather than become discouraged, make a resolution to improve. Schedule time for prayer and spiritual reading, even if it’s only a few minutes. Consider setting aside time to pray with your spouse 
 
4.  Make over your bedroom.  Want to freshen up your romance?  Consider a bedroom makeover.  This is an easy way to add some new dimension and excitement to your relationship.  Add elements that bring in the romance and make this your couple’s sanctuary.

5.  Plan fun adventurous date nights.  If you really want to spice things up, go out of your way to plan fun and adventurous date nights.  Think about things either you or your spouse have always wanted to try and find a way to make them happen.  Even a night away together away from the responsibilities of your normal routine can be a great way to add adventure and romance back into your relationship.  Here are some unique ideas for dating Your mate:
1. The Memory Date
The Memory Date is doing something that evokes special memories of the past. For example, we have gone back to places that were special to us when we were dating and reminisced about those times.
2. The Park It Date
This can be an inexpensive date that makes you feel young again. Go to a park, pack a picnic, and enjoy yourself. You might want to try out the swings, go on a nature hike, or feed the ducks.
3. The Take Out and Make Out Date
Take the kids to the babysitter's house and drop them off. Then get take out, go home and enjoy making out without any interruptions. This can remind you of what lovemaking was like before the children came along.
4. The Restaurant Date (With a twist)
You are probably saying "Well duh! Of course eating at a restaurant is an obvious choice. I did not have to read this to know it." However, if you are like we are, then you tend to eat at the same restaurants over and over.
So change it up. When we were dating, we were constantly looking for unique and special dining experiences. Be creative with your restaurant choices.
5. The His Date, Her Date
Hopefully, you and your mate share many common interests. However, we all have unique interests as well. With the His Date/ Her Date, you make plans for two different dates. You each get to pick an activity that you enjoy doing.
6. The Surprise Date
With The Surprise Date, the surprise is more important than where you go. You make all the plans (just make make sure your mate is available). Then show up and take them out.
7. The After Hours Date
The ideal date is to get a babysitter and get away from where the kids. However, there are times when this is not possible. If that happens, make stay-at-home plans after the kids go to bed. Be creative and enjoy each other.




6.  Surprise each other with meaningful gifts.  The story has been told of the wife who gently, yet assertively, told her husband “it’s nice to receive flowers and/or a card from you from time to time. And, please don’t give these to me tomorrow, but sometime soon would be nice.” Now, it wasn’t that the husband had never done this before; but evidently, it had been a while since he had made her feel special with such gifts. So, in a couple of weeks, guess what? He surprised her with a small bouquet of flowers, AND a card! She was excited, thrilled, and felt special! They talked about this later and she said she realized her husband was not a mind reader, and if she doesn’t occasionally let him know what she needs, her needs may go unmet. Of course, neither spouse should have to constantly remind the other what they need, but it’s okay to let the other know from time to time what you need to feel loved and special.

7. Be intentional about making time for each other. Most people are intentional about going to work, paying their bills, and even completing maintenance on their cars; but sometimes couples expect their marriages to be exciting and thrilling without doing the necessary maintenance to get out of them what they desire. Set aside at least a monthly date night. Make this a priority as if it were a doctor’s appointment. If you have children and finances are a challenge, barter with another couple for child-care services so you can go out. Picnics can be inexpensive, and quite romantic.

8.  Partings. Do not part in the morning without knowing one interesting thing that will happen in your spouse’s day. (2 minutes a day X 5 working days: total 10 minutes)

9. Reunions. Take 10 minutes, each, to talk about your day (the stress-reducing conversation). Partners alternate in actively listening. Rule: Support and understanding must precede advice. (20 minutes a day X 5 days: total 1 hour 40 minutes)

10. Admiration and appreciation. Find some way every day to genuinely communicate affection and appreciation toward your spouse. (5 minutes a day X 7 days: total 35 minutes)

11. Affection. Kiss, hold, touch each other. Play is good. Make sure to kiss each other before going to sleep and follow the admonition in Ephesians 4:26, “Do not let the sun set on your wrath.” (5 minutes a day X 7 days: total 35 minutes)

12.  Saying "I do" again.  This doesn't have to be a big extravagantly planned event. My hubby and I renewed our vows last year, while on vacation. We had our 21-year old son come along and "unofficially" officiate.  It can be done at home, with just the two of you or with close family and friends attending.

13.  Keep Talking. Communication is the most important factor that helps keep your relationship going. Take out a few minutes out of your busy schedule to talk to your partner. Tell him/her about your desires, wants, needs and your dreams.  Use the time to connect with your spouse as a friend or a lover; compliment and flirt freely. Always say ‘I Love You’ to make the other person feel cherished or loved.

14. Help with the Chores. Once in a while, help your spouse with the chores. It can be feeding or changing the baby or doing the dishes. These small acts show your partner that you are considerate towards his/her feelings and needs.
15. Try something new. Someone once said, “Action is where the miracle happens.” Take some risks and get out of your comfort zone. Explore new ideas and actions together.

16.  Relive Courting Days. Identify one activity that you did before you were married, but have stopped doing since the wedding, and begin doing it again. 

17. Go On A Marriage Retreat.  Everyone needs a change of scenery from time to time so retreats truly help couples to spend some quality time together. By going to a retreat center you get the chance to see things from a different angle and perhaps even realize that your problem isn’t as big as you first thought. Going to a retreat center may be a great opportunity to remember the happy times when you first fell in love and start the spark again. It is just important to stay open-minded and be willing to work on your marriage.

18. Relax and Rejuvenate: Take a hot bubble bath together, give each other a back/foot massage. If one thing leads to another, go with the flow. If it stops there, just enjoy some relaxing time together.

19. Instead of watching TV, read a story/book out loud or play a board/card game with each other. (Focus on the Family has a great variety of books that may be great reads for you and your spouse. Some are more fun reads, while others are more focused on how to work on marriage issues. Here are just a few that sounded really good!
For something a bit shorter, check out my past post series' on relationships - "Relationships Take Work" series HERE and "Ten Ways to Love" series HERE.

20. Go for a walk/bike ride together.(Of course, weather conditions may have an influence on when you do this. We are currently in a sub-freezing, snow-storm, so this may have to wait till spring for us.)

21.  Laugh together. (Lately, we have gotten into watching all the different "Youtube" pranks that are going viral...(hundreds of thousands people watching them.)

22. Use words of encouragement and gratitude every day. (Instead of complaining and criticizing, which is usually much easier to do.)

23. Do sweet things for each other – Daily (example: leave a little note of affection in his lunch; call or text her in the middle of the day just to say you are thinking of her.)

24. Keep the sparks flying’ all through the year with these new monthly LOVE calendars. (another free printable from the "Dating Divas".
  Becca-JanauryLoveCalendar-Pinterest
http://www.thedatingdivas.com/tips-from-the-divas/free-january-love-calendar/

25.  Make a book, slideshow, or video of memories and photos with your loved one. Then look through/watch them together.(I did this a few years ago and decided to do it again this year...I'll be posting it later this week.) The Dating Divas also have a list of other awesome anniversary celebration ideas...HERE

26. Enjoy brief times apart(visit friends/family, go shopping, or go to a Bible study or workshop, take a class), then look forward to time together, again!

27. Make time for intimacy in your life.  Yes, don't forget to make time for sex. With the busy schedules and stress of the day, this may get put on the back burner. This often leads to a less vibrant relationship. Especially to the women, make sure you don't turn this into a duty, but be a willing participant in the enjoyment of sex. Even be willing to be spontaneous, when possible. The intimacy it brings to the relationship is worth the extra effort. 
Try something new. As my friend Trey Baker often says: “Action is where the miracle happens.” Take some risks and get out of your comfort zone. Explore new ideas and actions, together. - See more at: http://fergusonvalues.com/2013/06/how-to-rejuvenate-your-marriage-with-imagination/#sthash.y8rmCDeZ.d
Saying ‘I do’ again!!

The greatest gift that you can offer yourself and your partner is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. Offer it first to yourself and you will be better able to offer it to your partner. We also need to continually be aware of the seasons of the marriage relationship and strive to keep that candle burning brightly! 

Have a blessed week!! 

Linking over to these blog hops:
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Monday, January 20, 2014

Fervent in Prayer

"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth  much." 
 

A superb desciption of "fervent prayer"
"...not any prayer of a righteous man is of avail, but that which is "effectual, fervent"; that has power, and energy, and life in it; which is with the Spirit, and with the understanding, with the heart, even with a true heart, and in faith; and which is put up with fervency, and not in a cold, lukewarm, lifeless, formal, and customary way: in the original text; and the Vulgate Latin version renders it, "daily"; that prayer which is constant and continual, and without ceasing..." (source)
  
It's interesting how God brings into our lives what we need to learn the most. My word for 2014 is fervent. As I have been reading up on this word and it's connection to my relationship with the Lord and in living out my life, I'm learning that, even though I tend to have a lot of positive energy and am emotional, by nature, being fervent in prayer has been a struggle for me.
I have a lot to learn about prayer...
I've always found it easier to go to the Lord throughout the course of the day, saying small prayers for myself and for others. Sometimes my prayers are requests, while other times they are prayers of thanksgiving and praise. There's nothing wrong with praying that way, (in fact, we are instructed to pray continually...1 Thessalonians 5:16-18)
  But the thing about it, as I'm recognizing, is that my unplanned prayers are often less fervent, and somtimes even a bit hurried. When I put thought, time, and energy into praying to the Lord, there is definitely more invested from me. 
I'm praying that throughout this year, and my life, God guides me to be more fervent in prayer!!
It has been several weeks since I last posted from my gratitude list. I have no excuse, except that I have have recently taken a new position at work, gotten a new puppy, and had gotten involved in 2 new Bible studies. Needless to say, I have been blessed beyond measure, but also come home tired every evening!
 
Continuing to give thanks, listing the many gifts from the Lord!
Linking over at  "Multitude on Mondays". 
~Grateful for the small joys that have come into my days:
1,579 - Laughing so hard with my friend, that I cried tears of joy! 
1,580 - Enjoying my new puppy's playful antics. 
1,581 - Enjoying the taste of warm brownies, straight from the oven!

~Grateful for things that have strengthened my faith: 
1,582 - Learning that fervent prayer is much more than..."having or displaying a passionate intensity." (source)
1,583 - Meeting other believers and getting deeper into the Word, through attending the 2 Bible studies. 
1,584 - Seeking a closer relationship with the Lord, to give me a more fervent heart for Him alone!

~Grateful for my family:
1,585 - The heartache of not staying connected with some family members I love, yet I'm drawn to reconnect with them by phone/emails. 
1,586 - A positive opportunity to reconnect with a friend of my son's, who is reading a good book about having a Christian worldview and looking for someone to read it with...suggesting he get ahold of my son. 
1,587 - My hubby, who was willing to go out in -18 degree weather to snowblow the driveway!!
~The blessings that the Lord has provided at work:
1,588 - Fairly easy transition into the new responsibilities I have.
1,589 - A caring, forgiving, and understanding boss, who called out of concern, when I got my schedule mixed up the first full week at work and showed up late.
1,590 - Being able to discuss heart issues and pray with my co-workers.

~Thankful for the blessings seen in nature:
1,591 - The brightness of the sun, shining on fresh, glistening snow!
1,592 - A squirrel, scampering across the snow-covered ground, looking for even a morsel of food.
1,593 - Icicles, forming long, clear frozen beams in front of my window. 



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Tuesday, January 7, 2014

A "Steadfast" Year

In my last post, I said I would discuss how God had shown me how to be "steadfast" in 2013. In my first post of the year, I defined the word as...
 "Someone can be steadfast in a belief, an effort, a plan, or even a refusal. Whatever it is, it means that the person will calmly hold firm to the chosen position and follow through with determination."

When I look back over the past year, I realize how He has lead me to stand strong,  to be steadfast, in all that came into my life. I had several hardships, disappointments, and struggles with worry. Below, I've listed many of those that I experienced and listed in my gratitude list how God led me to calmly stand firm.

 1,185 - My brother, coming home the first week of 2013, after being hospitalized for 3 months.(This one was a blessing after nearly losing him in 2012)
 1,225 - Having emergency surgery, due to torn cartilage in my knee. Specially trained therapists helped me get back the full use of my knee, after having surgery.
 1,259 - Moving our son out on his own.(A difficult day for me, but I also know he is becoming a young, responsible man.)
 1,264 - After many weeks of therapy, a day without pain in my knee.
 1,268 -A hard eucharisteo: texting with my son, who now lives 4 hours away.(The ache of missing him.)
 1,292 - A loving God who understands me, when I feel misunderstood!(My husband and I were in disagreement and struggling.)
 1,293 - A special friend, who also showed her love and compassion! (A dear Christian woman who encouraged me when I was feeling at my lowest.)
 1,300 -  My brother(read his story here and here), who was near death, just 2-4 months ago, is able to hold his first grandchild today! Thank you, Lord, for healing him!!!
 1,328 - The opportunity to have some good conversation about some deeper issues with my son.(After much prayer for him to turn his life over to God.)
 1,333 - In the midst of some(unspoken) hurt and heartache here at home, God still works in my heart.
 1,340 - A phone call from my son, who couldn't be with me for the first time ever on Mother's Day.(Oh, how I miss him!) 
 1,349 - Life can often be an uphill struggle...knowing that God walks with us every step...even when our legs ache from the steep climb up.
 1,357 - My knee feeling good enough to walk some trails with my friend.
 1,364 - Even when I'm feeling frustrated by other's unkindness or untruthfulness, that God provides me with patience and a kind spirit to the other person.
 1,378 - My hubby, initiating prayer time together in the evenings!(This was truly a miracle from God, after 26 years of marriage.)
 1,394 - A few rough days, but the Lord got me through.
 1,410 - Working with some awesome, caring people at my job.
 1,413 - Knowing that even if the clouds return and life is hard, I know God is still faithful and standing beside me through it all.
 1,432 -  Being able to show God's love and comfort to our neighbors, who recently lost a son. Taking a meal and sympathy card to them.
 1,433 -  Texting with my son, who still misses us now and then(as we miss him)! 
 1,450 - Knowing this: As Christians, we must live our lives in a way that stands out from others, to be like a light in this dark world, so we show others God's light. 
 "In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good and praise your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:16)
(This one gives me chills, as it goes so well with my word for 2014, fervent.)
 1,469 - Thinking about how far my hubby and I have come over the past several months in our relationship...
 1,470 - One of the best things that has happened - having a regular prayer time together, that has continued!!
 1,484 - Even though I'm feeling a bit confused right now, trusting that God has a plan with the job situation that was offered to me a few weeks ago. (I thought I had made a decision, but the final decision hasn't been made, yet.) 
1,485 - Finding things to be thankful for(joy) in the midst of pain.
1,493 - For emotional dryness, as it leads me back to God!
1,494 - A heart that aches for the unsaved.
1,500 - Maybe it's just that my soul is restless for the place where I belong!!
1,514 - The Lord has been showing me where I can find joy, even when everything else may be dark and dismal. 
1,522 - Praying and trusting God to provide for and bless our son, as he pursues trying to get into the prestigious music program, Jacobs School of Music at Indiana University.(We recently were informed that they accepted his application and will be interviewed in February, the final step for admission.)
 1,527 - Praying on behalf of my son, who is the source of many of my worries.(God has been filling me with peace, when I start to worry.)
 1,535 - Feeling a love and closeness to my husband and son that can only be topped by a close relationship with Jesus!  1,536 - Knowing that God is in control, even though we may not understand why He allows certain things to happen.
 1,556 - Deep spiritual conversations with my son.(Still praying for a renewed commitment to the Lord in his life.)  
1,557 - His willingness to dig deeper to learn about God and truth.
 1,578 -the Lord, leading me in my current job and into the new year with a new position.

God has shown me so much, but mostly that I need Him in my life every day. He also has encouraged me to not be impatient, but to be steadfast in my beliefs and trust in Him to do all He has said He will do for His children. 

For 2014, my word is "fervent". Here is dictionary definition:
1. Having or showing great emotion or zeal; ardent:
2. Extremely hot; glowing.

I had a "Prayer For Steadfastness" that I shared in my post a year ago.  I want to share a "Prayer for Ferver" that was written many years ago by a well-known lawyer and philosopher:

 Prayer for Fervor
O Lord,
give us a mind
that is humble, quiet, peaceable,
patient and charitable,
and a taste of your Holy Spirit
in all our thoughts, words, and deeds.
O Lord,
give us a lively faith, a firm hope,
a fervant charity, a love of you.
Take from us all lukewarmness in meditation
and all dullness in prayer.
Give us fervor and delight in thinking of you,
your grace, and your tender compassion toward us.
Give us, good Lord,
the grace to work for
the things we pray for.  
--St Thomas More, 1478-1535
 
Maybe this is the year you need to be more "steadfast" in your faith. Or, maybe like me, you desire to have a more "fervent" heart for the Lord! On whatever path He is guiding you to walk, may you seek His will and find strength and determination to grow in your faith, to have a closer relationship with Him alone!!
 
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